It’s gone from the bizarre to the totally unexpected today! Where do I start! I’ve not talked much about my business mainly because I can’t give away what I do for a living as it would make it very obvious who I am. I’m fairly well known online for what I do. What I WILL say is that I manufacture (make by hand) things that would be considered “lifestyle luxuries” and definitely not essentials, so my business relies on people wanting to spend money on luxuries.
Eeek I mean most people I talk to can barely pay the bills and put food on the tables, let alone luxuries! It’s hardly surprising that my business suffered. I kept one part time employee on for as long as I could, but about 18 months ago I had to let her go and I’ve been doing everything myself. Needless to say with the breakdown of my marriage and the problems I was having “emotionally” – well that combined with the recession meant that my business never really did have a chance – not while I was so stressed and strung out becauseI couldn’t focus.
I WAS offered a way out a while ago … AP – my ex affair partner offered to buy into my business. He was talking a serious potential investment that would pay off a portion of the business debt. In fact AP was a huge help in cutting costs anyway regardless of his “interest” in the business. His interest was always from a business point of view too … he recognised that I have a terrific product, just that I am a completely useless “business woman” and need someone to kick me up the ass! I am also just ONE person and one person’s ideas are never going to be as good as collaborative ideas and bouncing off of other people.
Well anyway – this was before the “divorce” was definitely DEFINITELY happening (pre this blog but in the middle of my OLD blog – now deleted) and there was always a possibility of saving my marriage at that point. I knew damned well that if I took AP’s offer then my marriage truly was over … even though it was over anyway there was always that slim chance. Even though AP and I hadn’t (and haven’t) slept together in ummm around 18 months (although we’ve kissed and flirted) – there was (is) always that sexual chemistry between us too, and to go into business with him at that point would have been the WRONG thing to do. It would have been a short term fix to get me out of a financial hole with the business …but not a long term solution.
I turned him down. I remember that day. It was the day that Ness Stopped Procrastinating And Finally Made The Decision. I told AP I couldn’t take his offer and I told my husband that I knew it was well and truly over. I had done my research and told my husband I was applying for the tax credits, that I’d worked out a budget and as soon as the money came through, I would be moving out with the children.
Phew what a day that was! Anyway …. moving on with the story and the events from today!!!
I have no choice but to close down the premises I am currently “working” from. I have a workshop where the products are made and where the mail order / website is operated from – but I can’t afford it anymore as the website isn’t generating enough income to cover the running costs … and with the divorce and everything else … my head just hasn’t been in trying to make it work *right now*. With the rent, maintenance, utilities and rates, it costs £11.5K per year just for that! That number doesn’t include the website hosting, telephone, broadband, advertising, or the “other insignificant overheads” that all mount up… let alone the cost of basic supplies before I can fill any orders.
I’d had the possibility of moving “modus operandus” to a friend’s garage but that all fell through late last night. I didn’t know what to think or what to do and had a very sleepless night. Without somewhere to work from, I have no business and for SO many reasons I can’t go into, it’s not something I can run from home.
My business has been my life for the last decade and although it hasn’t always earned me heaps of money, it’s covered costs (till the last couple of years or so) and it has made me happy to do what I love for a living! Anyway, I was in a very depressed mood about having to close completely and “get a job” to still qualify for the working tax credits … well until AP called me this morning. I’d sent him a text letting him know that the business had to close and that I have no choice if I have no premises, and he called to remind me that I DID have a choice and it was all ABOUT making choices.
Needless to say I went straight over there to find out what he was talking about! I can’t do conversations like that over the phone! Basically his offer is still on the table. I THOUGHT I had burned my bridges there – from the business point of view anyway, but he still very much wants in.
Thing is … my mother has offered to pay off my business debts!! I know … I am amazed too! We’re not talking small change either – it’s a fairly significant number. She has recently helped out another family member and is basically offering me the same deal. It’s a little morbid, but when my dad passed away 5 years ago he left her very well set up and totally mortgage free and debt free. He died from a terminal illness and had time to get “his affairs in order” before he passed away. This also in turn means that when my mother passes – my close family members and I will inherit a fair amount. We encourage our mother to spend it and enjoy her life because that is what it is about … but there is plenty “in the kitty” to play with. She has basically offered me a “loan from my inheritance” because it’s one way of her helping us while she is still around (and I PRAY she has MANY MANY years spending our inheritance left yet!!!!) but from a practical point of view (and mother is capable of being practical when prompted and pointed in the right direction!) it also means less inheritance tax payable on any capital when she does topple off this mortal coil!
The point of explaining that is that if my debts are CLEAR for an investor, then instead of a 50/50 buy in with money just to pay off debt … it would be 60/40 (to me of course) with money to actually INVEST into getting the business back up and running instead of paying off some debt and STILL not being at zero! He would also then be paying 40% of the costs of new premises too… and 40% of all overheads.
AP even said today that he has no realistic expectation of a wage from it … to begin with anyway … his cash injection would cover a deposit and rent up front on new smaller premises (my current workshop is WAY bigger than I need) plus a nice sized advertising budget and buying in replacement supplies that have been run down where I’ve not been able to afford to stay on top of it.
See AP is an ideas sort of person (like I am) and he likes to ACT on his ideas (like I do!) What is the point of having an absolutely blinding and wicked idea … if you do nothing with it? (sorry, reference to STBX there who would agree it’s a great idea then do nothing about it!) AP would be a business partner … another head to bounce ideas off, and two heads are always better than one!! AP is a also very VERY logical and business minded person (Aquarian – go figure LOL!) where as I tend to get sidetracked by the pretty glittery stuff and go off on a fluffy floaty tangent!! AP brings me back down to earth without disregarding WHY I floated up there in the beginning (i.e. acknowledges me when I do have a good idea) and without making me feel bad about the lack of “fluffy bits” to the eventual idea!!
He also knows that there is a huge market for men with my products that I haven’t really tapped into yet and he has some terrific ideas for going forward with that. He’s had some awesome ideas for advertising, about local letterbox drops and re-establishing the company as a more up-market scale and promoting wholesale rather than have me standing out there all day at events and exhibitions!!
Other than giving away 40% of my business – and 40% my children’s futures … I really struggle with the downside of bringing AP on board as a business partner. Oooooooooookay I need to think about this logically. I have to think about the negative aspects - which - as this is ME - will naturally involve bullet points!
- If I go into business with AP then I am tying myself financially to a man I once had a very intense sexual relationship with, who I am still sexually attracted to. The sexual relationship started 2 years ago and lasted for 4 months. We’ve not had *full* sex since then although there has been kissing and definite touching and a whole pile of flirting!!
- I am still sexually VERY attracted to him.
- It would make dating other guys almost impossible in the future
- It ties me to him and gives us a reason to stay in touch (this is a bad thing as well as a good thing!)
But the positives FAR outweigh the negatives… and that is all I can think about. AP also knows that I plan on taking the next couple of months completely off – to relax and chill out with my kids… and that any investment has to WAIT until after the new year. I talk about the kids a LOT when I am around him – he is aware of my son’s ADHD & Aspergers and my daughter’s fragile emotional state … it doesn’t scare him.
I don’t even want to THINK about him from a “relationship” point of view because it can’t happen for so many reasons I can’t go into here, but irrespective of that – our lifestyles are so different. I hate getting up early but HAVE to get up at 7am for the kids – he works from home and rarely rises before 11am and works late through the night. I’m a night owl at heart – but because of my lifestyle I can’t stay up later than midnight or I am impossible in the morning!!
It just wouldn’t work … but a business partner and a fuckbuddy? LOL that could work …
Recent Comments