The New Plan

I currently measure 37-27-37 and I looked up pictures online of women who have my figure and I was gobsmacked … okay look at these … these photos are of a model called Angela Nicole who I look at and think WOW she is one seriously HOT babe!!

But … I have her measurements! I measure exactly the same as she does … so why I am *I* fat and she is perfect? I look at her and think MAN I would KILL to have her figure … yet I have her exact same measurements!!!

It’s not me being all body dismorphic either … I do have a flabby stomach and stretch marks … Angela Nicole’s figure is perfect and toned and gorgeous. According to her stats she weighs 125 too … 7lbs less than I do – but she is also an inch shorter than me. I have to forgive myself a certain amount as I have given birth to two children and been pregnant four times (yes I lost two babies) and I realise that the stretch marks will NEVER go … but if I can get my stomach as toned as hers? Then I reckon I could even actually be happy with my body.

Blimey did I say that?

So … New Plan to get my 37-27-37 figure MORE like Angela Nicole’s …. EXERCISE MORE!! My new regime will start the day I move into the new house (all my exercise stuff is over there! LOL)

Run 3x a week for at least 10 minutes (building up)
My new house is 5-6 minutes drive from the children’s school … and there is a huge great big park literally by the school. I have NO reason not to take advantage of it go for a run when I have done the morning school run. This part of the plan also involves buying new running shoes because of course I have nothing appropriate! If I start off with a ten minute slow walk/jog around the park and then build up to a faster pace and more laps slowly … this will help to tone ALL parts of my body.

Body Pump
I went to body pump classes at the gym religiously twice a week in the past and got into it to the point that I bought my own bar! For a while I was really good about doing it from home twice a week and saving the money on classes … but I got out of the habit. New plan involves doing a body pump routine at least twice a week in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed. I can download the music tracks to work-out to from YouTube. The full body pump class (Les Mills) works out every single major muscle group.

Kickboxing
I’m actually one belt away from being black-belt although I haven’t trained since February and my fitness is probably way down… but kickboxing was always my method of venting ALL frustrations and taking it out on the kick bags … or my partner in sparring! I was actually shit hot at the point I stopped going, and the only reason I stopped going – was money! Kickboxing classes cost £4.50 a week – it’s in the evening and not a problem to take the kids along as there is a room they can sit in with a book / nintendo DS etc … so IF my budget allows, I want to do at least one class a week or heck even every other week! This will have to be a budget based thing though because the classes do cost money.

Sit-ups and stomach toning
This is the biggie and I have to commit to doing sit-ups every other day, but I can do them before bed no problem. I have no idea how many I should be doing though? I guess I am aiming for around 50 then increasing … any advice there?

So yeah … that’s the new plan … to carry on eating as far as my appetite allows (low fat/low cal/healthy options only) … and to increase my exercise. At the same time I promise myself I will try NOT become obsessed about exercise calories / calories consumed and create weird and wonderful excel spreadsheets to calculate the difference!

Progress in Ness-Ville methinks!

It’s what I love about moving to a new place … a chance to change ALL of the rules – for the kids as well as for me!! I AM going to make this work and I AM going to have “the figure I would kill for” by Christmas.

That is realistic yeah? 8 weeks?

Taking the bull by the horns

The more I start to prepare for my new life in my new house, and the more my husband is just his usual self … the more I am SO ready for this. I did a few car trips up there today and once I’d unloaded everything, I must have spent a good 20 minutes upstairs just staring out of the window! I wasn’t even looking at anything in particular – just staring blankly into nothingness. It felt good though. Standing in MY house in MY bedroom with MY stuff around me.

It’s starting to feel like home already and I can’t wait to live there “properly” … I still need to organise a fridge, a freezer, washing machine and find some man muscle with a van to help move my bed out … but I am getting there! I am just so grateful to have the keys early!! It’s made a huge difference.

So yes … it’s all rather positive in Ness-Ville at the moment!

I even called my mother up this evening to go to Asda as I had an urge to buy new curtains for my house! I didn’t get curtains, but I did get some very funky mugs, a chopping board, corkscrew, can opener, some cool retro containers and some just funky “froofy” bits to make a house feel like home!!

Ohh and I showed my a friend my bruised legs and she convinced me to go to the doctor. Bloody doctor was useless - as soon as she found out I’d been moving house, she pretty much dismissed me saying if it gets worse to go back. Waste of frigging time that was!

I’m really tired tonight – so just a brief update and I am off to get some beauty sleep!

… and other reasons why I am leaving him!

I had a shower this evening and went rooting around in my wardrobe for something to wear in bed. Until I officially move out of this house on the 25th, my STBX husband and I share a bed, so I HAVE to wear something for modesty’s sake – he don’t get to see THAT no more!

Anyway, I pulled out a pair of shorts, slipped them on, reached up to pull a t-shirt off the hanger, and as my fingers let go of the waistband on the shorts, they just completely fell off! It made me giggle, so I went into his study to show him how huge they were. I said “look how fat I used to be” and the expression on his face was just “oh my god they are like fucking HUGE – yeah look at how FAT you were”

I said “gee thanks, well you always did say I had a fat arse didn’t you” – he said he hadn’t meant it like that, but he didn’t bother checking if I was okay – he just turned back to his computer.

Now sensible Ness says that he doesn’t have to comment – I’m his STBX wife … but ED Ness knows full well from that expression on his face that I always WAS too fat and that’s why he ignored me, neglected me and rejected me.

It’s just another reminder to myself that leaving this man who does NOT offer me emotional support and who does NOT encourage me to feel better about myself and who does NOT help build my self esteem … well, it’s the best thing I can do – and Grrrr moving day can’t come quick enough!!

AND I ate a “proper” dinner tonight.

The positive “What If’s” …

I’ve concentrated so much on the negative side of leaving my marriage and moving out on my own with the children. I’ve got so down and depressed about it all, but a comment on a post I made a few days ago about control & happiness has helped me to look at it differently. I’m in much better spirits

The comment from Leftywritey was …

“Let’s do the what ifs, but like this: what if listening to your intuition does give you a more peaceful, happier life? What if something does make you happy, a bunch of wonderful somethings, and in you doing what needed to be done, no matter how hard it was, it changed your life completely?

What if, because of all of those things, the eating disorder was vanquished?

What if you found love with a guy who is there for you, loves you and shows it, would fight for you, understands you and supports you?”

She is so right. I am so SO scared of not being able to cope and feeling lonely, but in my heart I have known for years that my marriage is over. My husband never did try – he never did fight for me and I DESERVE a man who will do that. I don’t doubt for a minute that he loved me more than anything in the world, but I don’t think just love alone is enough. I needed real support.

So let’s look at this positively …

I can’t be any more lonely than I am now – I have been desperately lonely in my marriage for so long – and that is both emotionally and physically. I’ve been neglected and ignored and I now have an opportunity for a completely fresh start – a new beginning and to start completely over. Not many people get that. No more hiding in the shadows – this girl is coming out of her shell and she is going to rock this world!!

I also do NOT need a man – I have a box full of vibrators and I have a pink tool kit :-p